H.B.I.C

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Don’t trust me. I betray. Don’t believe me. I lie. I’m human; I mess up. I’m everything I wish I wasn’t and nothing I wish I was. As of recently, I’ve started to love who I’m becoming. Open-minded & big-hearted. I used to let people walk all over me, but I’m not a welcome mat anymore. Fragile. I’m really friendly. I worry much more than the average human should. Determined to get a stomach ulcer by the time I turn 20. I rarely think before I speak. Ambivalent. I never know what I want and I’m always changing my mind. If you make me laugh; you’ve won my heart. I really love to be silly with people. Life is too short to take things so seriously. The world is out to get me. I’m a very dependent person, and it kills me. Easily attached. I'm scared to death of the future so I linger in the past. I'm not ready to grow up. My heart is stapled to my sleeve, don’t break it. I’m in love with expression & anything awkward & imperfect, because that's natural & that's real. I appreciate inner beauty. Impress me with your heart & mind not your clothes or your body. Panic-prone. I want perfection, but it doesn’t want me. I’m a lot smarter than I act & I know a lot more than you think I do. I write because paper listens better than people. Anxious. Drugs and tanning are overrated. I avoid conflict & drama at all costs. Down-to-earth. As imperfect as I am, I’ve learned to love myself unconditionally. I have a lot to offer but it’s up to you to recognize it.
I'm not good at meeting new people. They always want something. Cigarettes, gas money, a lighter, drugs. I have nothing to offer these people. Not a smile, not a wink. I've got pills but they're mine. I've got thoughts and dreams, but no one wants to listen. I haven't got a microphone to cry into, nor the drama to report. I haven't got a journal worth reading, not even a page worth saving. I have nothing on my vest, no badge of honor on display. No trophy, no plate on my bedroom walls. No family trips to brag about. No selfish habit to feed upon. I'm not a fucking rodent. I'm not dependant on chemicals or pleasures. I'm not using anyone for anything. I'm not going to pay you to be my fucking friend. I'm not like that.
"A wise girl kisses, but does not love,
Listens, but does not believe,
And leaves before she is left."
-Marilyn Monroe.