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I am here for Friends

About Me

Well, Team Wallace has had it with the KY Jelly state. While it has been nice to enjoy never ending trailer parks, the privilege of watching every Cincinnati Bengals game televised instead of other NFL games and the constant battle of not getting run over by 350lb women in motorscooters with an oxygen tank at Walmart, we figure its time to move to Georgia. That's right, Team Wallace is headed to the fabled land of Jimmy Carter- hopefully it doesn't suck as bad as his presidency. Our daughter has provided us with more happiness (and sleep depredation) than we ever thought possible. Hopefully, she decides that sleeping is more important that projectile vomiting- she's not supposed to learn that until her freshman year of college. No matter what anybody says, I'm still way better at math than she is. ..

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

John Kruk- One of the greatest American's of all time. This man rarely went to bat without a huge dip in, called in sick in order to go to the hot dog stand, told his GM that he would rather go to Shoney's than play another game for the White Sox, and traded a case of beer for his old number when he was traded from the Phillies. What a great human being.The guy who bought New Jersey and sold it to the Japanese- I know you're out there dude. Please do us a favor.Bobby Flay- I think I have a hetero man crush on this guy. Any guy who has a show called "Throwdown" has my attention.William T. Sherman- Unfortunately, we have grown into a nation of wiener kids and refuse to fight rebellions in the proper fashion. This guy knew how to do it.Peter Capstick. You've probaly never heard of him, but he walked away from his million dollar a year job as a stock broker to go hunt dangerous game in Africa in the '50s. That guy had like 2 billion cool points by the time he died.

My Blog

Having a daughter...

In case you haven't heard, I recently successfully mated with my wife and produced the world's most perfect little girl (sorry, I'm kind of biased- I'm sure you children are very nice too). Henceforth...
Posted by on Sun, 04 Jan 2009 18:51:00 GMT

Jokes in America (yes there is typos- I dont care)

Every day you see something that makes you ask yourself, "Are you fucking kidding me?" Yes, we as a Country have the distinct ability to produce unique subspecies that are so unique they float through...
Posted by on Thu, 06 Nov 2008 23:38:00 GMT

Man Laws

Every group of guys contains that one individual who the rest of the group can't stand. This guy continues to materialize at every social event despite not being invited, acts like a total jack ass, d...
Posted by on Thu, 02 Oct 2008 01:49:00 GMT

Wedding Ettiquette

Ok, so everybody knows we are almost through this wedding season. If you're anything like my wife and I, you've already spent the equivalent of a semester at a state college on travel, lodging and gif...
Posted by on Thu, 31 Jul 2008 15:12:00 GMT

No such thing as a surprise....

When you think about it, there's really no such thing as a surprise. Anything horrible, painful, or good was an element of causality resulting directly for a decision you made. For example, you get ru...
Posted by on Mon, 28 Jul 2008 19:04:00 GMT

The Decline of America

*Disclaimer- I am not a communist. Communism doesn't work- 100,000,000 dead in 100 years- let's give it another chance*   I hate to contribute another article in an ever expanding genre, but I ...
Posted by on Sun, 29 Jun 2008 19:00:00 GMT

Hero

What constitutes a hero in the American lexicon these days? At the mention of this word do images of Marines raising the flag at Iwo Jima pop into your head? Or do you see a fire fighter carrying an u...
Posted by on Mon, 23 Jun 2008 18:54:00 GMT

Today was a terrifying day

                 Today was a terrifying day despite it being my wife's birthday. I woke up at 0630 in order to do some PT. My ...
Posted by on Tue, 22 Apr 2008 17:45:00 GMT

Things I’m gonna miss about Texas (and some that I’m not)

As you may or may not have heard, Team Wallace is chucking deuces to the Lone Star State next week. Yup, we've tried our best to fit in amongst the Sovereign Nation of Texas, but its time for us to pu...
Posted by on Mon, 21 Apr 2008 00:22:00 GMT

Things that help me get through each day

*Editor's Note- I never had any idea that so many people read my bullshit until the Battalion Ball. Thank you so much for your dedication. Accordingly, I'll try to keep the blogs flowing to such an ex...
Posted by on Sun, 13 Apr 2008 17:09:00 GMT