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im thirty years old now..... ive been tryng to figure out what that means to me, what i should do, which direction i should follow. to be completely honest, i dont have a clue. i couldnt figure out why i couldnt answer these questions. then i was made to realize that i was trying too hard to make myself accessible. only being a fraction of who i am to make everyone comfortable. maybe even making it easier for me.... but not anymore. now its time to rediscover me. i only want people around me that can accept and want ALL of me. from here on out its just me.... just derek

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My Blog

my prayer.....

i go through my days never calling on you for strenghth or guidance, never thanking you, and never wanting anything from you. i do what i can to look after my friends and enemies alike, especially whe...
Posted by on Mon, 09 Feb 2009 02:07:00 GMT

cheering up.......

whenever jorge gets a lil down i turn to the tv to discovery channel's destroyed in seconds. i mean death and destruction cheers u up? right? well today i was a lil down and the mezzcan turns the tv t...
Posted by on Sun, 08 Feb 2009 23:10:00 GMT

the smoke has cleared and the blood has dried.....

okay...this go round was a bit more intense than the last. hopefull its enough for me to have learned my lesson. more pain and fewer visits. the latter was intentional. i didnt tell to many people. ag...
Posted by on Fri, 30 Jan 2009 01:27:00 GMT

at this point.....

i dont know what to say about me. i guess this is the best place for reflection and attempting to figuring it all out. how did i get back in this position? how did i fool myself into thinking that wor...
Posted by on Sat, 24 Jan 2009 23:15:00 GMT

for my friends...

of all life changing events, death is the most complex and the most destructive force on the ones left behind. so much uncertainty, a feeling of helplessness, remorse, sorrow, and sometimes guilt can ...
Posted by on Sun, 02 Nov 2008 18:48:00 GMT

my mom.....

my mom and i used to have the best relationship. she had me when she was 16. i went everywhere she did so not only did we develop this crazy bond but it became second nature for me to blend in with al...
Posted by on Thu, 30 Oct 2008 19:31:00 GMT

heres a little story bout a toe named jed.......

that motherfucker. seriously. so...shit...nearly three years ago i get out of the shower and notice a little dead skin on the bottom of my foot. and like the little asian guy on the snapple comercial....
Posted by on Thu, 04 Sep 2008 01:55:00 GMT

so last night at work........

my money makin puerto ricans come in. no amuse bouche this time (fuck) but they still drop a lot of cash for a three top. all's well and im feelin it (including the leg pain) and i get this four top a...
Posted by on Mon, 09 Jun 2008 08:42:00 GMT

its my time

here i've resided, in  the grace of god, under the thumb of the devil, suffering under the weight and sins of my heart and mind so that the ones i love won't suffer alone. liason to the lost and ...
Posted by on Tue, 20 May 2008 23:14:00 GMT

i left this comment for rosa.....

if she doesnt have the tits to post it i want you to still be able to read it!!!!so is this gonna be another indistinguishable myspace page with shirtless mexicans running around with spelling deficie...
Posted by on Fri, 16 May 2008 01:59:00 GMT