The past few years have been a blur. I miscarried a precious little girl that I was carrying for another couple on February 15th, 2005 at 22 1/2 weeks. I spiraled down into the pits of darkness, hiding behind a bottle. I pushed my children away, my family... it's the darkest point in my 45 years. I wish I could change it all.... the choice to carry one more surrogate pregnancy, the way I handled my grief... but I can't. Looking back, I see that everything that happened was for a reason.
If I hadn't gone through all of the pain and turmoil, I never would have made some choices that I did (I chose to end my marriage and move out on my own), and I never would have met my Walt. This is the happiest I've been EVER, and I am truly at peace.
I'm very blessed, because all 3 of my kids are wonderful. One is so incredibly talented and artistic... her artwork is beyond amazing. You can see it in my pictures. It moves me to tears because of the depth of her skills. She's beautiful and interesting to have deep discussions with.
Then there's my 'National Honor Society' girl who's going to be a History Teacher. She definitely got the 'social' gene from me. She's in her first year at Farmington and I miss her terribly when she's gone.
My son is such a laid-back, wonderful kid who is so amazingly good, that most parents would pay me to take him in trade! He's got this incredible sense of humor, and is fun to be around. Well, all 3 of them are fun to be around! I love you guys!
I want to thank you from the top & bottom of my heart for forgiving me and letting me back into your lives. I can't erase what I've done, but I surely can do my best to be your Mom from this day forward.
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