Dr. House

Hi. I'm Dr. Greg House. I'm a board certified diagnostician with a double specialty of infectious disease and nephrology..... I'm just imagining you with a blank stare on your face right now. That would be because you're an idiot who wastes your life away on myspace deluding yourself that your "friends" are really friends. Just ask one of them if you can crash on their couch for a week or two. They said no? What a shock!
Where was I? Oh, right. You're an idiot. And yes, that is my medical opinion. Perhaps I should explain in terms the average myspacer can understand. OMG, I'm totally a doctor! Fer realz!!
I only set up this page because there seem to be a lot of people impersonating me on here. Probably disgruntled former patients who are upset that I insulted them but forgot about that whole part where I saved their life. Actually, that's a lie. (Everybody lies, kids. Get used to it.) The real reason I set this page up is I bet my friend Dr. Wilson a hundred bucks that I could use it to get some action from a reasonably attractive young lady by the end of the month. Sooooo...Ladies, who wants a House call? (Please note: I am allowed to make puns on my name. You are NOT.)
Some ground rules to be fake internet friend with Dr. House:
1. I'm not here to give free medical advice. If you ask for it, you will be given the diagnosis of syphilis regardless of what your symptoms are. If you really want free medical advice look up Dr. Allison Cameron. Cry a lot and tell her daddy never loved you and your puppy just died and you can't get insurance because the world is unfair. It should work like a charm.
2. If you call me Dr. Gimpy, I will introduce my cane to your genitals. If you're a hot babe, it is perfectly acceptable to tell me you love my "pimp walk" or "gangsta stroll" (Shout out to my homie, Dr. Foreman!) Again, only I am allowed to mock the handicapped. Well, you can too as long as the handicapped person isn't me.
3. If you're going to comment, for god's sake, make it interesting. No "Thanks for the add!" comments. If you're really that grateful, buy me some top shelf Scotch. Or some time with a prositute. Do prostitutes have gift certificates? They should!
This is almost as much fun as my whiteboard. Unfortunately, my "boss", Dr. Cuddy, just found me -I'm avoiding Clinic duty. I told her I was "doing important medical research" which usually means I'm looking at porn but since there were no naked people on the screen I think she might have bought it.
By the way, if you're going to impersonate me or a member of my staff on the internet, at least have a high school level grasp on spelling and grammar. Thanks.