Cailin

After having a MySpace account for almost three years, I've realized that I almost never read through the "About Me" section on other peoples' pages but instead skip straight to perusing interests, links, pics, etc. If you aren't like me, you're reading this. :-) I find it much easier to make a pretty page with lots of "show me" items than to sit and write about me. It's awkward. Definitely.
So, an update.
Totally twitterpated. I love this boy. I trust him. He makes me feel so safe and cared for and I miss him every second that he isn't around. He calms me down when I've had crummy days just by being there and being strong and supportive and listening. He wakes me up with kisses every day and rubs my fingers until we fall asleep each night. He's fantastically beautiful AND gorgeous AND rugged as a butterfly. We laugh constantly. I'm equally happy rockin out with him or pulling a blanket into the yard and dozing in the sunshine. He fuels the light in my soul. He's easy breezy beautiful but when he looks at me the world stops revolving and there's just us. He is all I need.
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I am continually amazed at how generally satisfied I am with my life. I feel lucky. I have a job that I absolutely love for a company that makes a difference. My immediate family lives in the area and I'm close to all of my siblings. I think that I am always testing the things that "seem" to be working in all aspects of my life because I know that things built on anything but truth will fall apart unexpectedly if you don't question them and determine the true nature of whatever it is. I try not to assume things - possibly because as kids my parents were constantly making big announcements about big changes that were going to happen (they never did) then surprising us with things that were utterly unpredictable (we're moving to Croatia in a month, for example).
I spent my childhood very much involved in the arts (dance, theater and music) and have recently been trying to rediscover some of my creative talents that I have unfortunately neglected during the last few years. I danced several days a week from the time I was four through college but have only danced on and off the since then. I've so missed being in the studio lately that I felt myself tearing up every time I passed a studio with a window (I think I actually miss the physical structure of the studio), so I've decided to quit pretending that dance isn't something completely integral to who I am and have started taking classes again. I've also been volunteering at Pacific Northwest Ballet whenever I can and generally trying to get out to see dance performances more often. I had the privilege to work for the Walton Arts Center in Fayetteville, AR from the time I was 19-22 and had the opportunity to see so many wonderful performances in dance, opera and stage and really spent some time thinking about my own artistic preferences and passions. For the opportunities that they presented, I feel sooo lucky. I have also always been a writer - not so much for other people, but just as a way of organizing my thoughts. Somehow the process of writing itself is what I'm attached to. My entire life I have written poems, journals, etc then destroyed them as soon as I felt they weren't relevant anymore. I also usually find it easier to communicate regarding sensitive issues with people that I am close to when we write, rather than speak face-to-face. My mom did that with us as kids and it's just easier for me somehow. At any length, when I don't do it my thoughts start going in circles in my head and so I really write for me. I have included some poetry in my MySpace blog, but it's a little strange for me, as I never intended for it to be viewed or judged - it's just something I did for me. I share it mostly to try to be more open with friends about who I really am. I played piano and flute when I was younger and recently acquired a violin (anyone up for teaching a newbie?). I have never felt as emotionally attached to playing music as I have to other art forms, but I appreciate the outward end-product more. I am very good friends with a large number of musically-talented people and have such a deep reverence for people who communicate this way. In Seattle, I have been especially privileged to be friends with the band ESITU and many of my happiest times are when I am at their shows, surrounded by friends and just a little tipsy (zoink). It's a very direct and open experience for me and I love them all. Through them I have been introduced to many other amazing Seattle bands and I spend a fair amount of my time supporting the local music scene. If I am being honest, though, supporting these talented musicians is really something I do for me, alone. Most of my friends don't share all of my taste in music so it is something I very much do "for myself."
I have the most amazing siblings imaginable (really!) and feel so lucky to be their big sister (I'm the oldest of 4). The kids in my family are all 3 1/2 to 4 years apart but we are definitely a tight-knit crew and they mean so very very much to me. My sister Tonya is a nanny and in school to be a midwife and just got back from volunteering at a birthing center in Bali. She is already credentialed as an EMT and I'm so proud of how much she's done in her life by her age! My brother Azuolas is only 19 but was accepted to Grad school at the UW in Linguistics in addition to being offered a recruitmentship TA position. He's quite literally the smartest, funniest person I know and I can't wait to see how his life unfolds. My baby brother Ipolitas is 16 and is the sweetest, brightest, funniest kid I know. He's keeper on his varsity soccer team at an AAAA school (as a sophomore!) and he's an absolutely amazing and dedicated athlete. All of the kids in my family are incredibly outgoing and adventurous and support each other so completely. Without the fierce loyalty and love that we have, we would all have fallen apart at one point or another.
Another incredibly supportive community for me has been the Lithuanian community. My dad is a second-generation Lithuanian and through him all of the kids in my family have been raised around the Lithuanian community. The strength of having this caring, supportive and very social network of people cannot be underestimated. Dance, language classes, camps and numerous community events hold it all together. I have met many of my best friends in the world through this group and it has been so amazing to grow up with an ever-expanding group of people who understand just a bit more about what makes you tick than others do. By in large, this community is amazingly well educated, hard working and has a fierce dedication to preserving the lessons taught through Lithuanian history and to keeping the community alive and active for Lithuanian children in America. Being raised around people who had to flee their homeland, around elders who lived in concentration camps, around those who arrived in America with nothing but worked around the clock to ensure that they and their children would be educated and provided for - it's such a source of strength and incredible support.
Ai. This is getting long. More later.
Then I saw that man In his black suit and cadillac Suckin on a lollipop...
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz, or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off. I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul.I love you as the plant that never blooms but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers; thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance, risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other waythat this: where I does not exist, nor you, so close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.<>